Wednesday, April 8, 2009

One safe place....

Tonight I'm listening to a little-known song by Marc Cohn called "One Safe Place." It's just such a beautiful song, and I love the lyrics. The acoustic version on his "Marc Cohn Live 04-05" CD that I got on ITunes is just awesome. It's been one of my favorites ever since I heard it. It's applied a lot to my life lately. The first time I heard it was shortly before I moved to New Mexico, and it applied for obvious reasons then. I was looking for something. It also had meaning after I got here and met Bryan.

Bryan traveled so many roads, wandering all over the entire country by hitchhiking and stowing away on frieght trains from age 15 to about age 20 looking for a sense of belonging. And as for me, I've been looking for a sense of true belonging now for quite some time. Nothing to do with a lack of family or friends. I've got wonderful droves of those. It was more of a sense of not really being able to figure out who I really was, what I really wanted to be doing or where I really wanted to be. I had an awesome life growing up. I did have quite a few periods of deep melancholy within myself though, and never really knew why. I often battled secretly with depression in my teenage years. The human mind is a very complex thing... I think it was due to many factors within myself. But I think that part of it may have just been that I really didn't know how powerful or capable I am as a person. As we all are. I had no idea... And I think that starting my own business, then moving to Albuquerque, going to school again, and rebuilding my business on the other side of the country with no network or ties in the community, all really gave me a glimpse at the power we all hold within ourselves.

It's a sad thing that most people don't realize their true power, and many never will. I've only seen the tip of the iceberg within myself, and some days I try to convince myself that that's all there is... Even that much is plenty to celebrate. But I know there's more in there. And I'm going to really be working on bringing that out more these next few years. I'm going to really brainstorm and see what I can come up with for these next few years on the road...

But getting back to the song I'm listening to, I think that's all that all of us are really looking for in a way. One safe place. Whether that be a geographical place, a partner, a career that you love and enjoy, or simply stepping into your own shoes and learning about who you are -the good and the bad- and acknowledging that. (Nothing like a relationship with a blunt, opinionated and very wise boyfriend to chip away at your shell and bring you face to face with your own great and not so great qualities.) :)

And we'll never truly (hopefully) reach that one moment in life where everything feels perfect and hunky-dory for the rest of our lives... That would be very boring and we wouldn't grow very much at all through that. But hopefully we can reach outside of our box a little, push that comfort zone, try new things and really find that place where we fit into the puzzle. Like settling into the perfect cozy armchair in front of the fire... That's my goal in life. To feel like I'm really living My Life, and no one else's impression of what that should be.

That's what I wish for me, and for Bryan, and for all of you out there. My family, my awesome friends, fellow knitters, or random strangers stumbling upon this blog. :) Just one safe place...

"How many roads you've traveled
How many dreams you've chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place.

Will you make a smoother landing
When you break your fall from grace
Into the arms of understanding
Looking for one safe place.

Oh life is trial by fire
And love's the sweetest taste
And I pray it lifts us higher
To one safe place.

How many roads we've traveled
How many dreams we've chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
We're looking for one safe place."
-- Marc Cohn

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